I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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