Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Randomize
