I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
