it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
