i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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