Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
