census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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