she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
