I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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