so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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