I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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