this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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