And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
