All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
