You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
