had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
