could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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