just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
