nut hugger
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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