My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
