she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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