the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
