He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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