Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
