i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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