I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
