i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
