no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize