Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
