so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
