dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
