Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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