I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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