I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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