Yo dont text me then not text me
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
