It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
