I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Your dad touched me again.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
