Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
