oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
