i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize