it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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