Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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