After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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