Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
