It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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