Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
