I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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