I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
