Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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