Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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