Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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