I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
