it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
