He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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