so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
