Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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