someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
