I understand why you refuse to be sober now
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
