We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Randomize
