Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
