We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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