btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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